There are several chapters linked to this entry -if you are unable to read them all at once, the entry will still be easy to understand, but it would help if you read them at some point when time allows.
• Job 2: 9-10; 19:17: Job’s wife speaks/is mentioned
• Job 4, 5, 15 and 22: Eliphaz’s Arguments
• Job 8 and 18: Bildad Speaks
• Job 32-37: Elihu’s Arguments
• Job 38-42: God Speaks
Navigating difficult seasons is complex and tiresome. If you’ve been vulnerable enough to share your challenges with others, the responses may be varied. Most, especially those in your inner circle, are likely to show compassion. In the noisy storm that started for me in the first lockdown in the pandemic, my family and friends were disgusted by it too – naturally. In your trials, others may do likewise, or even seem indifferent. The worst observers I have encountered are the all-knowing ones; they readily make a headway in assumptions, judgement and condemnation. Classic.
The ‘know-it-all’ observers typically react to others’ suffering with little empathy; they KNOW why you’re suffering, and it’s usually your fault or due to some sin you have committed. They seem oblivious to the truth that though God corrects His children to mature them, sometimes suffering and trials are actually a result of obedience (Acts 16, 27 and 28: 1-6). Additionally, they are morally superior and highly qualified to determine why the trouble has lasted as long as it has, and what you should do to alleviate the suffering, even if God allowed it for His glory, your growth and your direction. There may be seeming tenderness initially, but before long, you will know what they truly feel.
Job’s friends criticised him for grieving. Indeed, as they chimed, he was the one who encouraged others in the past – why couldn’t he do the same for himself? Why shouldn’t his devotion to God and piety give him hope? As I studied the book of Job, I noted that Job’s friends arrived in Chapter 2. In Chapter 2, his wife’s caregiver’s fatigue was already obvious, and though she says only a few words, they are words of contempt, telling him to curse God and die; she was not committed to suffering with him, or giving support. Bad timing Mrs. Job! I felt some relief for Job when his friends arrived in verse 11; his wife had spoken for only two verses (verses 9-10) and her reaction was unkind, especially considering his faithfulness to her in former seasons of prosperity (Job 31: 9-12). For the first part of their visit, Job’s friends wept at his loss and grieved to see the pain their friend had endured. They remained silent, but provided support through their mere presence. Though Job was still reeling from the 10 funerals he attended for his children, the loss of his wealth and destruction of his livelihood, I can imagine there was some comfort in knowing he had support.
It is disheartening that the same friends, with initially good intentions, after ONE chapter of support through silence and their presence, resorted to expressing their dissatisfaction with Job’s response to his pain (which they, ironically, had no experience of enduring!), condemning him, blaming him for his troubles and making faulty assumptions about God (Job 42). I counted a total of FOURTEEN chapters of their harsh words and criticism – this is significantly more than the ONE chapter for which they were weeping and silent. That’s a lot of talking! Classic. It is rather interesting that the sovereign God who allowed the tests and trials in the first place, spoke after they did, but said all He had to say, vindicated, healed and comforted Job all in the space of FOUR chapters! Interesting. I am dubious as to whether we should speak more than God about others’ suffering!
Fellow pilgrims, we are encouraged to bear each other’s burdens, especially those who belong to the body of Christ (Galatians 6:2-5). It is rather disheartening when someone shares a struggle and confidentiality is breached through the overwhelming desire for gossip, competition and the disturbing need to be right! Anyone who has known me for a while knows that I am highly selective of who I confide in; that may be labelled as me being reserved – actually, it is me being careful because people are not always what they seem! In the most challenging season of my life, riddled with attempts from the enemy to derail my purpose, I left this comfort zone and shared the challenges with others outside of my usual sphere. Though I try to self-regulate under normal circumstances, it was not easy to maintain hope and say I was doing well while the challenges were so overwhelming. I was raised to be resilient by a resilient mother and I suppose as a natural trait, I don’t usually harp on about my challenges; there is always hope. Indeed, there are some of my friends who erroneously feel I’m loaded with money and never experience challenges, because if I’m asked how I’m doing, for the vast majority of the time, my answer is positive. This season of trials was different. I was appalled that in such times of vulnerability, people (the all-knowing observers) could be so caustic and vitriolic. For Job, these seemed like close friends which probably made it harder for him. For me, fortunately, it was not people who I am very close to, but it was still enough to add to my daily malady. Thankfully, I am over it, but nonetheless cautious with such people. In previous seasons, I would perhaps have ceased all communication with them, but this season has matured me; I can still dialogue with them and even pray for them, but confiding in them a second time is not an option. I am thankful that one of the benefits of going through such a season of trials is the development of more acute discernment and greater value for the sincere people I have been loaned by God for my journey.
Why have I written a whole entry about this? I believe it is fitting to talk about things that we sometimes shove under the carpet. We are all work in progress, but it is unpleasant to invite people to be vulnerable, then ironically turn their vulnerability into an opportunity for gossip or condemnation. Pain is exacerbated when this approach is taken. Job was already dealing with immense pain and his ‘all-knowing’ friends’ harsh words resulted in greater bitterness and an unforgiving heart towards them; though he was introduced as an upright man, he was human. In Chapter 42, God blessed Job AFTER he forgave his friends. It seems the impact of their words was enough to be a hindrance to his progress and exit from his season of suffering. I admire Job’s ability to manage relationships as he didn’t sever ties with them; sometimes relationships do not have to be destroyed, but perhaps managed differently after such experiences. I imagine that perhaps in any future trials, Job may have perceived them differently due to his increased maturity, and set boundaries for how much he allowed others to speak over his life.
We canonise Job and portray him to be one who suffered and emerged from that season as a sinless, spotless lamb, but the man was truly human. He was hurt by the enemy’s schemes, and in his darkest season, instead of being comforted by those in his circle, he was wounded even more. Shall we be more gracious fellow pilgrims? If someone asks for your support with a listening ear, even if you have an opinion about it, simply…well…listen, respond with grace, and…well…pray! Even if you are not a believer and your loved ones need support, give your genuine support. Bear each other’s burdens. Sometimes that’s all that’s needed, or like Job’s friends, support through our presence. When someone struggles, it shouldn’t be an opportunity to judge them – I believe judgement is not our job (Romans 2:1-16). If you feel their suffering is self-inflicted, pray that God will cause them to repent. If you feel their suffering is no result of their sins, pray that God will help them to learn valuable lessons from it; we often are too hurt during difficult seasons to see the lessons, but with time, that is possible. If you are close enough to them to give an opinion, by all means, do so, with grace and wisdom. Before you do, consider – is it absolutely necessary to be opinionated, and if you feel it is necessary, is it an appropriate time? Will your comments help or hurt them? Bear each other’s burdens. If you listen to their problems and feel morally superior when they don’t immediately respond with grace, do some introspection. Remember times when you weren’t living right, when you suffered, when God had to mature you and when your response was less than Christ-like! The all-knowing observers are often usually unaware of God’s plans for each of His children, which are more than we can even perceive (1 Corinthians 2: 9). God allowed Job’s troubles and his raw humanity in the suffering was obvious, but ultimately, God preserved and blessed him despite his critics. We simply don’t always have all the answers when someone suffers; the only absolute answer we have is that God allowed it, is in control, and can use all things to work for His glory, even if we don’t get the answers we seek on this side of eternity (Romans 8: 28).
If you are suffering because of scathing remarks made by others in your season of suffering, it is challenging, but you must not allow this to damage your soul; bitterness against them only hurts you in the end. Focus on God’s word: seek Him for comfort through His word even when it seems contradictory. Even though it seems trials will never end, trust that He has your best interest at heart (John 5: 17). Be thankful for the people who have proven themselves to be sincere. You will have critics (the same ones or others), even after the storm has passed, and your critics are likely to have underlying unrelated issues, which indirectly set them against you. Only God can fix their brokenness. I pray you will be able to forgive those whose words have hurt you – you must make that choice and realise we are all sinners in need of grace in one area or another. Pray that they will encounter God in a deeper way (I know – that is difficult when you already have your own problems to pray about!). Your response in storms will help you to grow. It is possible to forgive critics and even maintain cordial relationships with them – God enabled Job to forgive his friends and He will do the same for you with your cooperation. Some relationships, especially the ones God designed for you are worth salvaging; ask Him for guidance and He will lead you in this area. As always, keep talking to God, even if all you can muster is a line. I’m praying for you. More next week.
Heartfelt Prayer: Dear Lord, I am annoyed with myself for thinking I could trust certain people with my problems. Indeed, they are mere humans. I can’t believe that my problem is now a talking point instead of a prayer point! That makes me sick! It is reassuring to know that in contrast, You are always genuine, confidential and kind. You support me even when you make no sense to me, and I know You will not leave or forsake me. Thank You for the family and friends who remain sincere and for using them to comfort me during this time when we all feel confused and disappointed because You haven’t relieved the suffering. Help us to remember that you are sovereign even when we don’t understand Your ways. Help me to truly forgive those who hurt me in this season and to remember we are all work in progress. Thank You Lord. Amen.
